I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
