it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
