I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I understand Curling. That high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
