yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
