I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
