Soap is not a condiment
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
