No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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