it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
