Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They took my balls.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
