ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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