How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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