Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
