Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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