i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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