I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish i was in the wii world.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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