shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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