i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
