whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
