i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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