Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
