I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
