A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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