is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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