last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
