my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
do herpes really smell.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
