I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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