I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
