he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
