Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I love you.
Bad choice
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