Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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