why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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