She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
