I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
