Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
