btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
