i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
