He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
