my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
