I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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