we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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