.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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