matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
