and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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