I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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