I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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