He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
