he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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