Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
