So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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