my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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