In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
