So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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