Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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