I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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