Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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