Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
