The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
