What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i think my cat just said my name.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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