She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
