i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
