Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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