were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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