Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
